Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
