I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
last night I used snow as a chaser
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
