I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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