worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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