You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
