she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I came so hard my ears popped.
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