Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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