I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
