Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
