You just made me feel so damn special
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
