living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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