I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
