How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
