It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Randomize
