Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
