my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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