My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
