i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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