But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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