there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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