does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ugly people sure do ruin things
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
