Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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