3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
