Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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