Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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