thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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