maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize