I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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