youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
