I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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