Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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