She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The Olympian is in my bed
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
