when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
