it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
