remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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