i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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