It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
