I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
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I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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