Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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