my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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