just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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