So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
