I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
