So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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