I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
