I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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