whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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