It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
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He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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