I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
