I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
