Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
