Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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