I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
