well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
