So drunk its hurt
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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