What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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