omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
