All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
