I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
