grandma shit on top of the toilet
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
