How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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