Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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