I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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