There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
