This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If I die, sorry about rent.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
