Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
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I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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