I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy