She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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