Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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