Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
