worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
