I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
there is glitter all over my balls
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