You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
