I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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