And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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