Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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