margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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