if i died would you start the facebook group?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
