maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
