I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
