if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
