The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
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I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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