someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
