We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
